in my moment

by Amy

if i was honest with myself, i would admit there are times i find it hard to stay in the moment.  to be.  right where i am.  to keep my mind harnessed, my thoughts tied down, and my planning in another pocket of my brain.  we all have so much to do, so much to prepare for and so much we feel we will never get caught up on.  my gramma always tells me “what needs to get done will and the rest, well….it didn’t need to get down now did it.”  it sounds so simple but truth is ringing in it lately, stronger than ever.  these kids that God has blessed me with?  they are only these kids for so long.

so i am trying.  to just be.  here…

to watch the kids as they apply lego guy stickers to their sticker book.  to see differences in how they work.  to watch motor skills develop and see how precise they care to be…or not.

to notice little tongues sticking out as if the brain is working so hard there is no room in the head for it.  to see frustration in how the fingers don’t do what the brain is expecting.  to smile at the wonder of this whole amazing process.

to blow bubbles in the backyard and pray they never pop.  telling stories of where they may land and or frowning over that darn blade of grass that took their life.  allowing the cold winter breeze to wash over your face before it carries them away to the swing set, and maybe even placing a wish inside the small glossy vessel.

to know that it is ok to stop and rest.  take off your collar…just lay awhile.

and to listen to her grow.  get surprised by words you thought would be hard for her or struggle with words that just don’t make sense in the reading rules.  to take the quiet time, as both brothers are napping, and to just sit together, snuggled and warm.  to read without interruption.  all the pages of that very long book.  twice.

so many days i fail at this.  i flail at this.  trying to get everything done and still be there in that moment.  every day, it is a challenge but more and more…all i want is that challenge.  to just be.