awkward anyways

by Amy

i feel awkward pulling out my big ol camera.  all.  the.  time.  i pull it out all the time and i feel awkward all the time.  but i do it anyways.

i feel funny stepping in front of the other mommas at the swimming pool.  or the park.  or the grocery store.  blocking their view or making them whisper while i try and capture that perfect image i can see in my head.  i can feel their eyes rolling and the sideways looks.  but i do it anyways.

that camera is heavy.  i have to carry a large bag and set it down gently (if at all) to make sure my precious cargo is safe.  when i pull it out, people always laugh at me.  “brought the big guns, didya?” they say.  or “holy cow amy!  do you always carry that around?” they question.  it’s embarrassing.  but i do it anyways.

not all the moments captured are monumental.   or amazing.  or even meaningful to anyone but me and my family.  but just those people make it worth it.  and they are all that matter.

so i will continue to squat down on one knee in a puddle by the pool.  i will continue to schlep my big ol gun around, however inconvenient/bulky/obese it may be.  because his little three year old eyes, peeking at me over the aluminum rail at the edge of the pool…those don’t historically last forever.  but i want them to.  so now…they will.

awkward and proud, i will be.  watch out now!